Newspapers / The Rutherford Banner (Rutherfordton, … / Sept. 9, 1881, edition 1 / Page 1
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i I: s -ii 6 - 1 ; - h , S'jf'. ' j '''-'.RATES OF ADVERTISING. Ope tbch, one insertion .'.....11 M Pf jfljCB e h subsequent insertion... 50 yQnfrterlv, Semi-snnapl or Yearly con ; tflactwill ue made on hbe:al terms. 'Obituaries and Tributes of respect cfeagjfd for ai advertising rates. . f iNVtjommunicit'onj'viU be published uni l&s forjji.-.nied b toe full name and adv dijes j t-ife writer. 5hete are not requested w rilicibiou, bt sb a guarantee oi good faith. T5 :. !. i it-.. Q TERMS OF SCBSBirr01 X)ne Tear......, ,'............T.,?....t2 W Six Months....... ,....i.....V.... 100 t Special Iletne(s. . 1. 'In writing on bu'aesa be sure to give the l?bstoffice at- which you get your mail ! matter. . ; I t vv ty 4 I 2. In remitting money, always giTe both name and Postoffice. . 3. Send matter forhe mail department on a "separate piece of piper froni anj thing for publication. 4 Wtite communications only, on one side of the sheet. 1 i etttf s- should be- ad.J'-esfcsd to T, A. HAYDEX, Proprietor, A Family Newspaper t Devotett io Home interests Itnd general Kews. TERMS $2.00 Per Annum, j THE BANNER, ..... "K w. 'kb c r lo rd to n , K . C; ' PUBLISHED AT MJTHERFORDTON, N. (51; EVEIr FRIDAY MORNING. 15. ' j m m J A ; I. if Itx, i 4 I"! RESIDE BALLAD, it flowI1 ast where mountain rills " j f re throughthe hollers flowin', Y&ere cattle browse upon the hills L $hen summer winds are blowing 1 lhero In tie moonlight winfer nighta h, world puts on seen splendor,' TK hen young folks go to singm' school I! AjK so kind o' tender; ' ' :lt' . .. . ' . : here villHge gossip, hear 8n' tell - 7'lie'r kiad of harmless slander, jj l.ere Uv.a blue-eyed Mehetabel t fAii'l hone&t young Philander. . . J t- $ ? . . ' ' i K)ietaDel vms jest ez sweet ' - L- ' 'r ez summer weather; . j. ; 1S bed the anfAot :.i,iu'iui -. I ? ever trod in leather, ' A if then those mild, soft eyes 6 her riffyl cldftr vern't no clearer . ' ' ma'ie Philandcr's visage bum Ifhen over he sot near her. .. '. Kla'jder he vrus tU an' thin, '3 nd o' Blender feller; : ' J'ed sort o?;goslin chinj ' " i : -g Sis har -jrus long an' ySUer. ; x ' . lj5 ";- - ; - ; jt ii. hi go-toieetin' clos'. . v !taiiia' collar sportin'," " l j "vviit down croas-ldts Sunday nights, VtiM'oa. Speucer's, courtlu'. ' si f " i v '. .ere down he sot afore the fire, Uiiniiu'.aa , lobkin''; 1 . . ' - prafse'd the Deaconl Bheep an' cows, j ? 'JJ5 praied fter mother's cookin'. f ! 1 ! Jsj Rallied air round the tender pint, ;ut, somehow, couldn't do it,j wordii got kind o' put o' Jiht1 . , for ho could git through it. ivn twelve o'clock one Sunday night, blazifi' fire teas roarin', Tpo uld folia hod gone off to bed, . - . M . (J."ho Jeacon, be was'snorln'. Ait'ind the time-worn room the iightJ f.;tl kind o' soft an'-rosy; " Tn old pure settle it was drawn 'i by the fireplace cozy. &htubel sot on one end, " ijbilRnder he sot by her, VS, with the old tongs in his hand, ' jjlep i-oktii' at the fire. 'T'tri to.tell her 'how he felt," rltrjot him in aflutter;' , Tfiri iweat it josf rolled down his tvj, f Jpke drops o melted butter. i- . , . fhere they sot an' talked about 'pio moontihiue en' the weather, i kip' kind o'hl.tchin''iip, . I Until they hitched together. - "tyji Deacon snored away in bed, Inlander he grew bolder; Ei r,lfd blt arm around her head v f j4.n' laid It on hia shoulder. Ai, when she tlf ted up her eyes , , K' looksd rtht into his'n, It -teemed e if Phllander's heart i nto h-a mouth had rin . , , ' Hf-ot an' trembled fur a while, ,.i ' he looked so sweet an' clever. i Bffie speerit whispered in his ea" : t4 Jest do it now or never I" "5? 4 1. Begher "My dear Mehetabel, . 1 7jy hDime an' home are wattin' ; . v.aj ain't it gettin' to be time jlfhat you an' I Were matin' ?" - Hi : -AJW then sea she, Jest loud enough fur him tonnderstand her: Hty yw tiln be content with ma, - ;t guess it is, Philander !" SJlp Dcaecsi woke up from his dreams. Iiez 1 : '"There's sumpthin' brewla'." -j fff peeked out through the bedroom dr flfro ees what they were doln'.. . !! 1 ! ' Air. when he isaw 'era sittin' there . T I ilJ&o leetle lambs In clover, almost snickered 'right out lend i It tickled him n over. - . P4 nudged his wife an' told her, too, ' i n' my 1 how it did please her. Ajs' then they talked 'einselves to sleep. I ; JLu' snored away like Cenzer . JRiS acider ec4 there all night long; ' lie didn't thinf b'goin' pCiJl, when the day began to dawn, -. t " He heerd the roosters crowin'. -. i i i ' ' .AHl', when ie sfirrted over horns I ' Alon across the holr, k'jp' a talkln' to himself , s- ji i im' f umblia' with bis oollar. Se h, Ther' never wus a chap : l irhat did the bizness sllckerV : " Ail -then he gin himself a slap, 1 1 atn'.Bay 1 how he did snicks?, - !lJj' now bine-eyed Mehetabel l married to Philander, pt' village gossips idly tell c k"hat ne'er waA weddin' grander. . ?Xp peaceful, moonlighJtinter night 1 1 !Hv not yet lost the sptendor; - re young folks go to singin' school f A5' fcti'll get kind o' tender,. " A,Vay down East, whers mountain rills ' - sAre through the hollers flowin', - ' - yitx re cattle browse upon the hills h hvhen summer winds are blowin'. Fr&btPems ofthtFarm and Firtsid. i THE JILT, Inhe pleasant Tillage of Acton, situ ! atedcar the city, on the Somersetshire ; sHdo ol the Avon, resided, some two , 3ear' sinco , and for. aught we fcno re- side there tiill, an elderly gentleman wh68 household affairs Afere superin tended by perfect paragon of, a mecea inT-W anel n.oomDlished younff lady, her teens, and grac? dtid with tnat most apprewawju I 0Xia18 11 im umuiuu -o-j ir- ! sesn of a small forttui. On herj ar- rivi at the age of 21, she was enticed ' totliMum of XI, 000. Need it-be said thaf ! with these attractions, numerous wer? the enamored swains sighing at the feetebf the fair Celia, who, however, turled a deaf ear to their solicitations andl restricted her affections to fftTorita kittn and a " lovo of a spaniel," till at leiih a stalwart knight, sturdy nd , bohfi; entered he lists, wd soon di ' tanked all " competitors fotr the hand of ourfheroine and her JEl.OOG. liratters progressed farorably, and,, - afte1 jft time, the fair Celia began to con- sidt,the eyes of her knight better worth -lootSin? into nnd "hip countenance more attractive tlian that bi her juvenile grim lkS,: and even the pet, Flora, was ' &elcted. ' Numeronji wert tlteir walks, f . ; Oown in the fa!e where th swtsel; waters gliding, tn murmuring streams ripple through the dark grrcve; ! ;' And sundr were the ejaculations of the knight 'IJc beautiful!" though whether tey were applied to the scen: ery or his Companion must still remain an (open question. Some six months elapsed, and our scene now opens in the bhfeliest month of the year warm,, glowing, Eunny June. It was the eve of t&4 1st "of j nne, and the knight and the fair iadyes" were taking their aecus--toned walk. The moonlight lay bright npoathb iterandvthe -wtejfeibjeiifr osaeau ii liKe iiuuu lips ueneaii tcp firtklss. f . ' ''' ' . V A nightingale; began to sing in the valley, which had derived it3 name from th4 inlinitkble songster, and another an swered it j from an adjacent grove! It wall a night in which one not only loves, butis beloved, in which one not only longs f oijjblessedness, but. will be blessed. The knght drdw the "ladye" closer to his side, and more compressed was the pres- suie on her delicately rounded arm as he jpouredjliis vows of affection and un-' alterable love into her willing ear. His advances were not discouraged, for the hafpy pair returned to the uncle, who dombtless said, in- the language of old stage comedy ; gentlemen, w Take her, yp dog, ake her, though you don't de serve her.!' . ' if 1 ' ' .' - ' - .1 ' - , Tirao rolled on ; four times had the seasons changed, but no change had taken plu.co in the relative positions of Cefia and jher knight. Tbey were stiU aCkuiced, but alas, for the fickleness of wojpan I such was not long to continue tl 14 case, j A Mr. .D , who in early li4had exchanged the quiet and roman tic fecener of his native village for the buy, bustling scenes of Manchester, re turned to Aoton for the purpose of. visiting his parents, and in the course of hisf sojourn was introduced to our fair ou fickle heroine. Verily, if Cupid shot thgdart, hla has muoh to answer for; but cerain it s that the young linen-draper crefited, uiwittingly, an interest in the breast of the lady far deeper than that Ehei felt for her former lover 1 But, alas ! , thefflame Vras not mutual. ' Whether Mr. D was aware of the engagemeiit subalotlug bet wean Trjtss Cela and) her knight, or whether his affections were of a platonio rather than ardent caajte. is uncertain; jbut. never theless, when his leave of bsence ex pired, he took leave of the damsel with all-f'onceifable coolness and unconcern, audi deserted the.' charming Celia for calicoes and counter-jumping. Poor girl ! the shook to her susceptible affec tions was insupportable. She pined and withered, jwalked about the house with an absent, distracted, melancholy air, tool: to .kinging doleful ditties, com mencing with MS wee Blighted Lily," and in short, was' fast becoming a prey to 'I a lean and yellow melancholy." t In vain the assiduous knight, who lit tle suspeqted the cauge ' of his fair one's misery, .redoubled his attentions. In vain he entreated her to put a termina tion to his doubts and fears, 'and crown his happiness by "becoming Mrs. K. . No thelimage of her knight was sup planted hi her faithful heart by her dear, herjdarling Mr. D ; and finally, when Bhebecame of - age, she quietly sent a letter, to the young gentleman at Man cheter, avowing her predilection for him, and offering herself for his accept ance, "for "better, for worse," as-the case migiit boj As soon as the Manchester maii received the letter he at once cut the fcaliccj trade, and came as fast as the wings of love and afi express train could briifg hiqi to throw himself at the lady's feet. "Fortune was favorable. ' " The uncle and guardian of the lady wer3 temporarily absent ; and (we blush ' to skj it) (the faithless Celia and her lin-en-raper! lover were united in the indis soluble btpnds oi holy matrimony. Swift ly jfassedsthe hours, and they awaked from their "dream of young love." The Manchester man explained tp his sorrow ing jlady that eircuma-tanae compelled him to reWn to that city, and that it would be highly inconvenient for him to taki her with him just then. Wiping away her (tears with his snowy cambric handkerchief (a choice sample of a re cent consignment),, he besought her for a shjort time to keep their marriage se cret?; and, assuring Iter of f fidelity to their pledged vows, said he should shortly return and claim her as hk bride. ' Tbey parted. Mr. D re turned to his buAinesa ; the deoeived k2iiM tfU oazatjt is his risits, and thus bnda the second chapter of this event tul history. - 1 J : .'"' .' J " . Two days only had passed since the departur4 of Mr. D -, but in that brief interval the train had been laid to the mine whiich was to explode beneath the feetsPf thfe unsuspecting Celia. The un- cle Vast iniormed of his niece's secret marriage and while she was walking in the fvallepr e have ; before spoken of, musing ion her absent husband, and . meditating what she should say to her present lover (for her -knight accompa nied! her in her walk), he was preparing to h'ftri anathemas ; en her head on h er retulo, WIxq sun had sunk below the horizon, and the silvery beams of the mooil'ete shining on the tops of the tall trees, ' when the pair bent their steps homeward. The hour, the scene, all concurred In reminding the knight of the day when his lady love first, blushing, owned she loved him, and again he passionately entreated her to name " the day, the eventful day," which should turn gloom into gladness, and make his heart leap with hilarious joy. Instead of informing him of what had taken place, she, owned his passion; was returned, and he aecom- panjeaiter tocher residence, elatd with hope at the imagined prospect of his de sires being gratified by the bestowal of her hand and fortune, Judge of his as tonishment, however, when, on arriving at the door, an outburst of fury on the part of the uncle too soon revealed to him the terrible truth.! ! The revulsion of f eeling was too great; he was distracted; he tore his hair; and. with a wild gaze on the transfixed Celia, he rusned from the hous. Bleep was out of the question; atid, like Adam, he still lingered around his Idst paradise. Meantime our heroine had to endure the reproaches of her incensed guardian, who even proceeded to personal violence; and in the dead of night she packed up her worldly goods, not forgetting the XI, 000, determined on the first blush of morn to be " off and away." She carried her determination into el fect, and at " early dawn" left the house and proceeded on her road to Bristol. She had not taken many steps, when, to her. surprise, she. met the disconsolate knight who had so hurriedly "cut hisx stick" the previous evening, looking a perfect picture of woe-begone wretched ness. Who shall fathom the heart -of woman ! her partiality for him revived, she longed to console the wretched wan derer, and to his frantic entreaty she re plied, in accents sweet, "My own dear knight, I ara afraid I have ben s. little fool. Can you forgive your poor, un happy, wretched Celia?" Her overbur dened heart could say no more; she swooned, and was caught in the arms of her faithful knight, who, with many a fond, endearing expression and sundry pressings to his bosom, recalled her to life. : "What shall we do?" murmured the unhappy girl. . " Cut and run," sug gested her lover, though not, perhaps, in these very forcible words. Some thing", indeed, he said about flying with him in a state' of felicity, declaring she could not think of doing such a thing, and, finally, Whispering, " I'll never consent" consented. They fled, carrying with them the 1,000 sterling, and jj the disconsolate nusband does not know where to find either the fugitive lovers or the winged riches, , Moreover, the clandestinely contracted alliance being displeasing to the lady's friends, they will not assist her liege lord and master in discovering tier whereabouts. TALL LYJOiO. Four Kentucky printers met one day " over a free lunch, and one began boast ing about having gained a prize at a .type-setting competition. He modestly put the figure at 2,000 ems per hour. " Wal, that's a mighty poor show, I reckon," said No. 2,1 contemptuously. "I could, stick type; together quicker than that with my eyes shut about 5,000 ems is what I can do." No. 3 : " Five thousand ems an hour ! Wal, I guess, where I last sluing type there was a man who gobbled up copy so fast that he kept a small boy going all day run ning baek'ards and for'ards for fresh supplies. You've seen a buggy wheel spin round with a f ast4rptting cob in front oi it, when the spokes looked like streaks of cold lightning? Wal, when that man was setting type, he mpved so fast that you could never tell what he was like. He was a cloud of mist. In one day that man set tip" No. 4, who had not hitherto spoken, here struck in : " You really don't know what that man' was like?" "No; we worked alongside each other five months, and during that 'time I never once got ft good look at his face, and, then I had to send in my checks, for the wind caused by his rapid movements gave me such dreadful rheu matics that I was never well for two days together." "You'ro quite sure you would not know that man again?" continued No. 4, calmly fixing hi eye upon the narrator. "No, I've just told you. " " Wal, I know what you've been tell ing us is a fact, for I'm that man 1" . -j- - - , A iiTTTLB girl of five' or ix summers, stopping with her parents ai one of the fashionable hotels at Saratoga Springs, was invited at dinner to take some wine "as it was passed round. She declined. " Why do you not take, wine with your dinner, Minnie?" asked a gentleman who sat near her. " Tause I doesn't like it." "But take a little, then, my child, for your stomach's sake," he urged. "I ain't dot no tommik's ache," indignantly responded the little miss, in the most emphatic manner". lu 1 ' Tdppeb, the . " Proverbial Philoso pher," and the butt of the paragraphers in both hemispheres, is said as a man to be very jovial, kind-hearted and a good fallow generally, but as a poet ladicrous. j conceited. A SUCCESSFUL MPT. I In March, 1865, I was assistant en rolling officer of Mobile county, my chief; being Majk Hv Ch Humphries. One morning the Major hanfed me a bundle pf papers,- and, , pointing to sa stalwart-looking soldiAr, dressed hi the uniform of a Confederate sergeant, said : ".Examine these papers . and give hm what he requires." Fe added f "If I had a thousand sucbjiien I could whip a brigade of Yankees." The Major was a very iinpulsive but conscientious man, I found the papers toJbe regular ; they had been through the headquarters offi cers and. were indorsed ' ' correet. " The enroUing officer was directed to furnish Sergk Burke with a horse and subsist ence. His papers represented him to be Sergt, Burke, of the Army of East Ten nessee, and he was dirscted. to' proceed to Mobile and gather Tip all. men from that j army, absent without leave, aid return I them to- their commands. JA desk ! and, writing maj&rials; were fur nished j him, as' was 1 a horse. .-" He was soon engaged in writing. After a day or two he would absent himself, and, on several; occasions, wouli not return for many hours, and always on his return would write a great dal. When asked what; he had done he wo,uld j always have a probable story to tell pf, being on the track of a number of deserters, and, strange to say, he did forward' several batches of men to their commands. He appeared to be very zealcps in. the Con federate cause, .and one day "remarked that we ought to fight uider the black flag and shoot every Federal found with-, in our lines. The Major! was 'much I of his opinion, but I was rot, and Burke thought I was very lukewarm in the cause. In all of his actions he was a Confederate of the, most fitter kind, and of; course was not susaected of being anything else. This wmt on for several weeks, Burke going awaf in j the morn ing, and, when he returned, he would o to his desk and write a liass of papers, apparently taking his nftes from a bobk which! he always carried I Early in April Mobile was surrendered and Gen. Canby ttpk possession. Burke- left two days previous, to' tlie sir render, and we suppos j he 'Jiad gdne to his command. Th day after the surrender I was walking on Hoyal street, near-Gen. Canby 's headquarters, when I was halted by a Federal soldier, wjio called me by name. I looked at him i 7.'' K ' with: surprise and did lot reeogtuze him until he said : " Lieutenant, don't you know i me?" I then saw thaf it was Sergt; Burke, and renarked : Z. " What does this mean, this uniform ?n1 He. Ire plied? "You now kadr-what I have been at the past few weeks." Yes," I said " a spy." He sniled jind said : " Lieutenant, if you want protection "or aid you will get it by reporting to Gen. Canby. I made a list of deserving citi zens for his use, and your tame heads the list. Good-by." I have; not seen Burke since, nor .have I any knowledge f what became of him.- Burke was a sharp, intelligent, American irishman, and I now have raason to believe that he furnished Farragmt with a jjjreat deal of valuable information, O: Ay Arnold, in Philadelphia Timee. 1 r IIE STOOD THE TEST PASS. FOWL A FREE A young man of affable manners pre sented himself at the box-office , of a va riety show at Petaluma, and requested a press pass "T " You don't claim to be a journalist, do you? " asked the manager, glancing suspiciously at the good clotljes and in nocent expression of the applicant, j "Yes I do, though; I'm on the iffea towk Snapper." :' , ''vi ( " Hum ! What iiyour department ?" growled the manager. ,1 j i' "I do the 'Answers to Crespond ents,' " asserted the youth. - ? f . "Do. eh? Let me see r Whatlwas the fastest . mile ever skated ckyard for money in the United States ?" " That question is always signed Nimrod,' " said the young men, promptly; "and the answer r is, 'Died in Brazil, 1446."' 1 ' ' Correct, " said the manager 4 ' vhen was Cleopatra hung?" I 'Trim' with deep ru.clungand ake before a quick fire." I1 "Did Oliver Cromwell have a blue wart on his chin ?" . , "B tftkes tiie trick, of course." ""Was Queen Elizabeth bandy-legged, or only bandied in oneleg ? and how do you take inkstains quf,o marble?" "Inqture at any hardware store. Patagonia was discovered Benjimin FrankHn in 1293." 'Jiy ,f- "That settles it," said ithe manager promptly shelling out a private-box -check ; " I see you've got. 'em al. by . heart. Pass right in. " an JFrancisco Ojtb of Aleck Stephens', stories s&ci coining ia ft handsome winner t a game of whist : There was a Jew in Georgia who had a difficulty with a, mail who had injured The Jew got) - the man down ftnd continued the piunaeling, A by-etander pleaded for the, under man, and said " Don't gouge a man when he is, .down." The Jew replied " Datiab de time to gouge a man when he isb down." " :-. TB.E FBIEXMESS PBZNTEB3. The Washington correspondent of tho New York Evening Post vouches for the truth of the folio fing story : A great many years ago, before the pres ent Government Printing Office was established, three printers engaged on Government work who were fast friends and constant associates. They neither had nor cared to have other acquaint ances. One day, one of the three fell sick and died. Then the auestion was who would perform the usual rites of f friendship for the dead Nobody out side took any interest in the matter, so that the two friends were obliged to care for the body themselves. Now, all f these printers were very fond of liquor, and, though they were never to be seen I in public bar-rooms, had many a bout by themselves in a quiet nook. . The two remaining friends then sat Up with the corpse, and to While away the time brought their pack of cards and bottle for company. Eucher was the game and they played for a stake, the winner to drink on scoring the game,; and the loser to stay dry. The luck ran one-sided. Seated oh either side of the corpse, with the coffin between them as a table, the players played and re-! r counted the virtues of their dead friend. But the one who never won was getting more and, more thirsty. The cards had run steadily against him, and not a drop of liquor had passed his hps. Finally the luck changed, and, slapping down the right bower on the coffin, he ex claimed : "There, now it's my turn !' With a hasty motion ha reached for the bottle, but at that instant consternation filled tho breast of Loth friends as the supposed corpse rose up and said, " Not a drop till Pve had mine." With a scream of horror the two friends jumped up and rushed, one to the door and tho other to the window. The latter leaped to the ground in his terror and broke a j leg, the other gained the street without misadventure and disappeared. ; .Years have elapsed. Both the watch-; era have died, but the friend who was j supposed to bo dead still lives, an ec-j centric, aged man, who is now a com positor in the Government printing house. ' . L I THE MAN OJf THE BICYCLB, The man on the bicycle is mTaliably a silent man a preoccupied man a man upon whose face is written an utter indifference of all things met' with on his bright, sunny way. He may attract and rivet and clinch the curious attention of hundreds, but he is never attracted to anvthinp-or anvbodv. It is a .part of v - ur w : his strange fate to appear simply an au tomatic section of his machine. He cannot even tell you why he works his legs in that peculiar way ; indeed, for the most part, heseems totally oblivious f of the fact that he has a pair of legs to work at all, and yet the spasmodic reg ularly in the swiftly alternating undula tions of his knees will command at once the attentive admiration of every lowly pedestrian he passes in the crowded street. The man on the bicycle seems ; ft alwaysto.be going somewnere a very erreat nrimber of miles from here. Evi dently he has not hoisted himself up there astride of that great spindle-shanked wheel either for the mere fun of the thing or to accent his beauty and grace of figure before the multitude. He is there 'for a purpose, rest assured, however! in scrutable a mystery it may seem to I us. Itis enough for us to recognize hJ his profound abstraction and melancholy bearing that he knows the goal of his ambition ftnd will arrive there in proper time, nb fear. Whatever emotions may be surging at his heart, whatever tem pestuous, yearning at riot in the (soul within, the stoic face goes glimmering by us, betraying nothing but the grave content of one whose clear convictions have never failed him yet. He knows his purpose and his destination. That is enoughf or us. Indianapolis Journal ME BAD BIS CREDENTIALS. It happened in San Antonio, andonly a short time ago. A seedy-lcoking " cuss," with a hungry look about him, walked into the office of the Sunset route and asked to see Coh Andrews, the Vice President of the road, on; im portant business of a private character. ' "I want free pass to getk)Ut into the country to pick cotton,' said the di lapidated man after the door was locked on the inside. j "You are ft newspaper man, 1 sup pose," responded CoL Andrews. "No, aiu't, hut I might as well be. I need fresh clothes, can't make a living in the blasted town, and haven't had a square meal in ft month." j "Well, if you ain't careful yori will be a! journalist, sure enough," remarked Col. Andrews, as he opened a drawer and took out blank pass to fill up. Galveston News. j . . i Toa Columbia CoDege paper, called Acta Columbiana, described one of the editors of the Yale Oourani as lying with one ear folded under his head as a pillow, while with the other he waved ofi the flies from the ceiling. Thereup on the editors of all the Yale papers the Couranjt, Record and Lit, solemnly an nounce that the Acta ColambiaiiaVxs 1 oat off fromexchange. f TJX WASHINGTON'S DAT. j In Philadelphia, which was the seat of the Continental Congress and of Wash ington's administration, many anecdotes are preserved, of the men and manners of those earlier days which have never found their way into print. j A venerable physician described ; late ly: a dramatic incident, in which his father had taken part. The first blood of the Revolution had been -shed at Lexington; each colony had voted to ra4s0 its poor quota of men, and in the Colonial Congress, George Washington, a young member from Virginia had been appointed to lead them tq the field. 1 On the evening of the same day, lie was invited, with Thomas, Jefferson, jjohn Adams, Charles Thompson (surnamed Truth by the Indians, and probably the last white man whom they would have so named) and one or two others to join a dinner-party, given in a "House of call " at Gray'a Ferry, a .picturesque suburb of the town. The dinner was discussed with gustji) and merriment until the host called npon his guests to rise,, and proposed '"the health of General, George Washington, Commander-in-chief of the Continental Armies." Instead of lapplause there was a sudden death-like silence, j The Continental armies werea handful of undisciplined, unarmed men ; opposed to them was the most powerful nation on earth. . . ' - K It was the first time that Washington's position and the desperate venture on which they had entered had been form ulated into words. Washington who had risen, smiling, stood silent and,pale ' one by one the glasse which had been raised were set down untouched. Not one of the Btartled men who held at the mo ment the destinies of the continent in their hands remembered to drink th toast. ' ' ABOUT LOVE, , j Mr. Factandfancy has noticed ; That the boy who is most afrau the girls is the first to be corralled into matrimony. I That the little boys prefer boys to girls. " i That they soon change, never to go back to their early love. '! That the little girls lore the fgifla best. ' That they don't get oyer their prefer- 5 -" .1 , ence ,so soon as tne ooys ao some of them never. That women love the men because they love everything they have to take care of. ' j That men love women because1 they can't help it. That the wife loves her husband so well that she has no thoughts for other men. - ! ! That the husband so loves his wife that he loves all women for her sake. That the married man is apt to think himself all-killing the fair : sex simply because he hasfound one woman fool enough to marry him. c That homely husbands are the best. They never forget the compliment paid them by their wives in accepting jthem. That homely wives are the truest, They know how to .make the most of what they have. ' That the man who marries late in life does well. That the man who marries young does better.. , That the man who never marries is to be pitied. "j That the woman who marries does well. 1 That the woman who does not marry does better nine times out of . ten. Bos ton Transcript. A PRINTER'S JOKE. . ' Printers' jokes are not always enjoya ble, but an exception may be made in favor of the witticisms of John BL Tal man, of Lynn, who celebrated his'gold en wedding by giving $2,500 to the Qity Hospital to be used for the benefit of the printers of Lynn, accompanying the gift with the following note : , Gentlemen : Having been a pioneer in the printing business in Lynn, and having fpent a long term of years in the (to me) pleasant ap plication of the " Art Preservative of all Arts, and, as my wife belongs to a typographical family, represented by a father and four (of x) brothers, I have improved the " golden " opportunity vouchsafed but once in a Mf etime to commemorate the 5oth anniversary, of our marriage by a gift to the Lynn Hospital in be half of the printers of Lynn. L, therefore, have this day " given out " to the Lyna Hos pital a "take" of $2,500, to be "set up" and remain as " live matter," to be "worked off " as occasion may require, but, in no f ' casa" is the "original " "form" to be retributed," I cherish the hope, for your sake, that the in stitution may never be obliged to turn " for the want of " sorts," or have the misfortune to "pi the form " or " squabble" any part ; but will keep the "furniture " so well "ad justed," and so ply the " mallet" and shoot ing-stick," that not a "quoin" shall j "drop but p ox, be lost Thus may they be able to '? work off " " token " after " token," year by year, till the last living member of the"blaci art " shall have " corrected " hu last "prof. I A little 4-year-old girl wanted to go to Sunday-school, so her mother (taught her the verse scripture, "The Lord b my shepherd, I shall not-want," and let her go. This is the way she repeated iher text : ' The lord is my shherd, ibu-i 1 don't want nothing." j PLEASANTRIES, Pttkohuters of " rare old china art often stuck-cup people. . Blacksmiths are rarely good penmen, and yet they are always forging. 2?o& ton Courier. . The male idiot now arranges his hair in the water waves plastered down on his forehead. Harrisburg Telegraph. " Mastma, what are twins made foir ?" asked a little girl the other day. Her precocious elder brother replied: "So ' that cannibals may eat philopenas.! ' When Rabelais was on his death-bed, a consultation of physicians was called. " Dear gentlemen," said the'wit to the doctors, raising his languid head, "let me die a natural death." . " Why, sir," said a client to his law- ' yer, " you are 'writing my bill on very rough paper." "Never mind," was tha lawyer's reply, " it will have to be filed before it comes into court," . ' " Mamma," said a 6-year old, the other day, " I wish you wouldn't leave bm to take care of baby again. He wh so bad I had to eat all the sponge 'cake and two jars of raspberry jam to amuse him." Said a parent to his little son, "who had committed some act of indiscretion : " Do you know that I am going to whip you?" " Yes," said the boy, "I sup pose you are, because you are Trigger , than I am I" Ladies who wear bangs may profit by a perusal of this: " Oh the bang I . The terrible bang! How over the forehead they dangle and hang; ' Or, plastered with paste, with molasses and grease, How the curly cues stick like a door-mat's Increase If God made the forehead a temple of thought, ' The devil made bangs to set It at naught ' The following letter was. received by. an undertaker from an afflicted widower: "Sur-my waif is ded and wonts to be berried to-morrow at ydner klock. U nose waire to dig the hole by the siad of two other waifs let it be deep." "This isn't a menagerie," sharply ob- ' served an irascible deacon to a man who -was trying to force a passage through - crowd at a church doorway. "No, I presume not," returned the stranger, "or they wouldn't leave any of the animals -to block up the entrance." - An exchange sayet "01 (the 600 young ladiea attending the Elmira Female Col lege no two can agree as to what; they -would do in case they saw a: bear. Now, . this is a libel on the young ladies, -for, " were he well dressed and respectable at least three-fourths of them wouki wait with curious impatience to see if he1 pro- posed to hug them." . WriiLiAM Peters, of. Arkansas, sat himself down on .the steps of a country church and said there should be no preaching there that Sunday, After William had received a bullet in the leg he vacated, and the services were begun.' The text was : " Wy do the heathen rage?" Bhuk, shnn the bar (the tavern bar). That bar to rising hope; V yoa would keep from all that soils, U se only bar of soap. Tis but a step from bar first named , Unto the prisoner's bar,; It is the sand bar la life's stream Where many wrecked are. It is the bar where you'll be shaved Clean as the barber's shave, Of money, honor, heajth and peac Ob, bah ! b no bar slave. , Boston Transcript v INVENTORS IN ENGLAND AND AMERICA. Americans have earned a reputation for the number if not for the caliber of their inventions. . Perhaps their success is as much due to prevailing disposi tion to believe in an alleged discovery and to give it a trial. In' England an inventor who proclaims his invention is , looked upon like a clucking hen who has 1 laid her egg. Doubtless there are occa sions when he is over noisy and un conscionable. , Inventors haye: had more grievances and have apprised the world of them more than any other class of men. Here they are regarded as bores; in America they are entertaining, and everybody listens to them. That is partly why America offers a better fiejd for the propagation of discovery. But Mr. Qiamberlam trod justly, s j we believe on one of our favorite forms of national self -depreciation when he de nied that the Americans surpassed bs in ' in the mor and striking of the in ventions which the world's registry of fice records. London Times. . INJURIOUS EFFECTS OF TOBACCO. An intermittence, of the beating of heart and pulse i one of the resnltft of tobacco smoting. It is enough, in cer tain cases, to suspend or at least reduce tlie use of tobacco in smoking to see the in-egularity in the tactions of the heart disappear entirely or diminish Young people who smoke show generally a sluggishness of intelligence and a strong x or lesspronounced taste for" strong drinks, j In very young persons who cease to smoke and who are not affected by any organic lesion, the disorders of i the economy which have just been men tioned disapear, often "Very quickly and almost always without leaving any trace. Wheh the Pflgrims first landed they f ell on their knees, after which tbey feU on the aborigines.-' ' . - . .- 1 i j t 11 V" mi . .. . i 4 ' 'I 1 i t 1 - r -i
The Rutherford Banner (Rutherfordton, N.C.)
Standardized title groups preceding, succeeding, and alternate titles together.
Sept. 9, 1881, edition 1
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